I woke up early this morning.  I’ve been waking up early a lot these days.  I’ve also been waking up in the middle of the night again.  Thoughts swim through my mind, and like piranhas begin to attack my heart.  My heart knows that God keeps His promises, but my head tells me that the medical prognosis is not good.  My heart knows that God is carrying us through this next season, but my head (and the doctors) tell me that Kevin’s treatment is going to be brutal.  Dark thoughts attack.  Heart begins to weep.

Yesterday I picked up some packages from our mailbox.  A little package had come from my sister’s sweet Mother In Love.  In it she had sent a lovely Christmas book with CD and a card.  Tucked between the card and the book though, was another verse.  I was so happy to have another one to paste up around the house to help me hide God’s word in my heart.

The house has been a mess, the kids have been whiny, life has been, well, life.  When I got home, I set the package with the rest of the mail on the messy counter and got back to the business of being Mommy and trying not to let worry and panic disable me.

I decided this morning that perhaps I’d try something different this than laying in bed allowing my heart to be beaten up by the thoughts in my head.  When I walked into the kitchen, neatly set out on the kitchen table was this:

This is a familiar verse to many.  It’s a familiar verse to me, a favorite one to hang up in a pretty frame to adorn one’s house as decoration.  I’ve always focused on the “trust in the Lord” part.  But suddenly this morning, while I was sitting in my kitchen, yet again trying not to cry out of fear and panic that attacks me hourly these days, a new part of the verse came into focus.

Lean not on your own understanding.

I read that again a little differently.

Lean not on MY own understanding.

Lean not on THE DOCTOR’S own understanding

Lean not on THE NUMBER’S own understanding

And then I read the first part again.

Trust in the Lord with all your HEART

The heart can trust and know what the head cannot possibly fathom.  The heart can trust, no is commanded to trust in ways that make no sense to the head.

Thank you God, for one more miracle, for one more blessing, for one more Word of peace from You.