I know I’ve been posting a lot lately, and who knows if the pace will keep up, but for now it’s a nice escape and release for me. If you’re bored with all the extra posts, feel free not to read. I’ll make sure to post the words “Kevin Update” in the title if there’s important health information to share.
A long time ago, I had a blog before everyone and their brother was blogging. My ACTUAL brother is a software engineer, and so he wrote some blogging software for me back in 1999 or 2000 and set up a site for me. I happily shared my life as I journeyed across the country pursuing my dream of acting. I was in a few movies and television shows and enjoyed posting pictures and stories and was always very open and honest. I drew a lot of traffic because as search engines were gaining in popularity, people would find me when searching for info about certain movies or shows that I’d been in. Somewhere along the way, I had a few experiences where people said some not nice things, and even my very own stalker. It was scary, I was young, and so I just stopped.
I have tried on and off again many times since we’ve gotten married to blog with any sense of regularity. For whatever reason, I never had anything I felt either comfortable blogging about or that seemed interesting enough to write about.
Sadly, a need to communicate with a large group of people the details of our recent challenges has been the impetus to get me back into this world. But I do truly enjoy writing, and have long wanted to blog more regularly. I hope that this space will not feel to me or you like it has to be limited to only “cancer news”. I enjoy taking pictures of our family life, the world around me, and telling stories and giving advice (probably a little too freely!) about all the little hacks and things I’ve figured out in home-making and kid wrangling and organizing and ADHD living withing that have made our life a little easier. I have long wanted to “get it together” enough to share about these things. The perfectionist in me has wanted to wait until I had the perfect site setup, the perfect office setup, the perfect, oh gosh, I don’t know what. Anyway, one of the MANY MANY things I’m learning through all of this is to let go of perfection.
So here is yet another un-related to cancer post (thank goodness, because I’m sick of talking about it all the time!)
Last night, as I was barely hanging in with my two sick kids, watching the clock and expecting Kevin to walk in the door at 5:30, he called and said something big broke at work at 4:00 and that he wouldn’t be home on time. He didn’t get home until 7:30, exhausted and in pain (because he’d been so busy working he’d forgotten to take his pain pill). He also told me he was going to have to go in Saturday morning. Bless that man, he told me he was going to not take his pain pill so that he could drive and I wouldn’t have to pack up the kids and take him in at 7 in the morning. This is truly the most thoughtful man I’ve ever met. I told him we did not need to consider that and began to think about which of our friends were early risers. A quick call to our dear friend Jeff who does amazing things with programs like Pride for Parents, and the 5AM riser said he’d be happy to pick Kevin up and take him to work at 7AM.
That of course left me yet again alone with kids who were sick, whiny, and contagious. Ergo, I couldn’t call in for reinforcements. I woke up in the morning, got Kevin off and prayed. I remembered what our old pastor from LA told me that I need to pray that “THIS is the day the Lord has made. Rejoice and be glad in it.” Every day will be a challenge in different ways, and every day I have a choice to make. Do I lean on the Lord for strength, patience, and courage, or do I get depressed and feel sorry for myself. I decided that today I would be positive and try to make lemonade.
I went in to get the kids and Evie was still asleep. Not a good sign that she was doing better. After getting Jude up and ready, Evie woke up, I changed her and brought the kids into the kitchen for “breakfast”.
For Evie, it was more of Tim’s now becoming famous chicken soup. Sweet Jude decided to join her on the blanket.
Poor thing laid her head down right there on the kitchen floor. Again Jude decided he’d join “sister”.
Checking on her.
“Mommy, she doesn’t look like she’s feeling very well.”
Let’s give her some cheerios. Who cares if we eat them on the kitchen floor?
After breakfast, we put the poor thing right back to bed. I decided to head upstairs with Jude and make him watch television that is inappropriate for his age with me (i.e. Glee). Let’s just say he was more than happy to watch TV any chance he gets. I’m starting to think that kid is addicted!
After Evie woke up from her morning nap, she seemed in MUCH better spirits. She’s still got a fever, but things are staying down, at least chicken soup is! Again, I’m gonna count my blessings where I can take ’em. She ate about a bowl and a half of dry cheerios and more chicken soup, and even tried some pedialyte out of a mug!
Sick, and that kid is STILL smiling!
Kevin’s still not home, I’ve got Jude in time out (for horrifying me by picking up my VERY expensive camera and even more expensive lens (I have to give it to him, he did put the strap around his neck, not that that would have helped much as he’s not as tall as the strap). Evie’s sitting next to me in her clipon chair watching classic sesame street videos on youtube. And I am choosing right now to cherish these moments, the tantrums, the very nearly dropped cameras, the sick babies, the times when I am weary beyond measure and yet know that this is really only the beginning. I am choosing right now to embrace it instead of wish it away. To open my arms and my heart and to say, Lord, lead me. Lord, teach me. Lord, let me feel and learn and know what I need to know, even just to make lemonade for this one day.