Rachel here. Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and support.
I just still can’t believe this is happening. It’s so horrible and so surreal at the same time. The docs said that at least liver failure is a peaceful way to go, you just get more and more dreamy and sleepy. Still, I’m honestly terrified of what will happen next.
I was not prepared for the cognitive decline caused by the liver (hepatic encephalopathy). And in his moments of clarity, he still says he wants to fight! So what do you do?
I still pray for a miracle. I still believe God could work one. But He’s not.
I honestly can’t do anymore of this getting my hopes up though. It’s just too hard on my heart.
Docs said it could be a matter of days or a couple of weeks. I’m praying so hard now it goes quickly and please Lord, don’t let him die on Christmas or Evie’s birthday (1/1). I don’t know, I just don’t know.
So normally I would conclude this post with something encouraging about how we are still trusting and leaning on Him. But honestly, I’m just constantly telling my brain to stop thinking about it when I’m trying to think and rest. It’s happening. Whether I think about it or not. And that’s already more than I can handle. God? Is there still a miracle coming? You’re breaking my heart here.