Out of the Darkness and Into the Light

I cannot tell you the number of times I have tried to simply sit down and write.  I have so many things I have wanted to share with you all throughout this past year.  Whether satan keeps managing to distract me or life just keeps getting in the way or simply the fact that many days I’ve had to just focus on breathing, I have left so many things unsaid and in darkness for far too long.  So now, whether it makes much sense or not, I have issued an ultimatum to myself that I will just sit down and write, and no matter what comes out, I will hit the publish button this morning.

One year.

Has it truly been almost one year?

I feel like it can’t be possible, it feels like yesterday, yet I also feel like I have grown and changed so much more than could ever be possible in just one year.

It makes me think of that first year of life with our children.  In one short year, they go from completely helpless, utterly dependent, crying and pooping, beautiful little messes who can’t even hold their little heads up to tiny persons who can walk and talk and exercise their will on the universe.  I’m not sure there is any other time in a person’s life when they undergo such rapid change and growth.

Did any of you throw a birthday party for your one year old?  We did.  But it really wasn’t a party for Jude.  I mean he napped through at least half of it.  We threw a party to celebrate not just how much he had grown, but how much WE had.  A party to celebrate that we’d survived that first year of parenthood and somehow managed to keep the baby alive.

One year.

It’s been almost one year since Kevin died.

One year since I died with him.

One year since I was born into a new life and a new identity.

One year and I’ve managed to keep myself and my kids alive.

One year where I have gone through untold seasons of darkness and doubt but have also experienced unspeakable life and light and joy.

This calls for a celebration.

This coming Sunday, December 21, please join my family for the 4th Annual Hill Family Chili and Cornbread Supper.  Come anytime from 3:00 on and stay as long or as little as you wish.  We will have, appropriately, chili, and cornbread.  There will also be punch and pie.  Because more people will come if you have punch and pie.  Don’t bring anything but your warm bodies and hungry appetites.  Help our family as we step out of the darkness and back into the light of life.




10 thoughts on “Out of the Darkness and Into the Light

  1. We will try to make it (my parents are getting into town about the same time). I was just thinking about this fun tradition this past weekend. So glad you are going to do it again.

  2. SO HAPPY TO SEE A POST FROM YOU!!! I’ve kept you and Jude and Evie in my prayers and have had you on my mind especially this holiday season. Much love and prayers to you.

  3. I’m happy you posted! I know everyone has been thinking and praying for you (including us). Happy that you are having your get together too. Love you!!!

  4. Still praying for you and your sweet family. I wish we could be there with you Sunday, we have a family Christmas party. But I will be thinking of you all. I’m still in awe of you. And you should keep writing. You’ve touched so many people with your honesty & truth. Love you girl.

  5. A year of growing and so much more ahead for you and your babies. Keep your eyes focused on God and He will guide you every step. Merry Christmas, you are in my thoughts and prayers!!!

  6. You are such an inspiration and a joy to so many. I have thought about you and the kids and have prayed endlessly.. God’s plans sure mess with us. But, when we just trust and believe He totally sees us through ALL of them. You are loved and thought about often. Have a very Merry and Blessed Christmas…You just gave so many a special gift..you posting this is such a gift and blessing…Luv you

  7. Rachel— it is so good to hear from you! I am glad that you are at that point that you are ready & what a way to do it!!! You are loved by many!! Embrace it!!

  8. You are still an inspiration to me. Even during the quietness of this past year I have often sat down and prayed for you, Jude and Evie. When we lie down at night you three are a part of our prayer-time also. It is difficult to believe that it has been a year since Kevin’s passing into his heavenly life. You will remain in our prayers and thoughts, always!

    Blessings and honor to the strength that you show that comes from His loving arms!

    We all love you so much!!!

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